Terrible 2's

 Dear Carson,
Right now you are 2 1/2, and you are terribly smart. A little too smart sometimes. You know all of your colors, shapes, numbers, animals, most of your letters, a dozen songs - and you have for months now. You say some of the cutest phrases. "Mom, this tastes just delicious!" "Congratulations, Mom!" "Baby girl, you look so pretty!" "Darn it!" "Oh my gosh. Someone made a big mess in here." (Usually you). You always want to help mommy and you love it when your daddy comes home. You love going to get donuts with daddy on Saturday mornings and you make sure that he only eats 2. You like the donuts with sprinkles on them. You love to read books, especially the look-and-find books. You are really good at finding all of the hidden objects in the pictures! You love going to nursery on Sunday and you ask if it's time for nursery all during Sacrament. You love seeing the temple. You ask me to drive around it anytime you see it. You always say, "Wow, Mom! It's so big and so pretty!" You listen to everything, even when I don't think you are paying any attention at all. For example, during FHE a few weeks ago, I tried to teach you about the Godhead. A few days later you were running around the house telling me that the Holy Ghost was chasing you. Haha. We had to talk about how the Holy Ghost is different than Casper the Friendly Ghost.... :)
You are such a good big brother to Brooklyn. The second you hear her on the monitor you run into her room to get her. You talk to her and play with her, and now that she can crawl you like to run around the house while she chases you. You are incredibly handsome and you have the biggest blue eyes and the longest eyelashes. You are a heart breaker. I love you to pieces.

 And then.....there are days. Days when you don't want to mind. Days when you do everything that you know you aren't supposed to. Days when you are mean to your little sister and you won't eat what mommy makes you for meals. You get out of bed 500 times before you finally fall asleep. Days when you run around behind me making messes after I clean up. Days when you color all over my bed with crayon while I'm in the shower. Days when you throw everything down the stairs and it still hurts Mommy's knee to walk up and down them. Days when you throw fits and tantrums and you hit. Days when Mommy's patience runs out and we both can't wait until bedtime. You know, those days. 
When bedtime finally comes and you finally fall asleep, I find myself sneaking into your room and kissing your sweet face. I find myself wishing you would wake up so I could tell you how much I love you and how sorry I am that we had a bad day. It's days like those that I pray to a loving, kind, and patient Heavenly Father and ask Him to forgive me for being a bad mom that day and ask for His help to be better tomorrow. After all, you are His. He has just trusted me with you and that is a blessing. 
I know you won't be this little forever. That thought makes me sad. I wish I could slow down time and hold you in my arms forever. I'm going to cherish this stage where you love to hold my hand, you give me great big kisses, you tell me that you love me, and you still want to snuggle with me. I'm going to slow down a little bit and make Daddy deal with a messy house so that I can play with you and read to you and do all of the things you so desperately want me to do with you. I'm not going to get frustrated when you come crawl in bed with me in the middle of the night because you miss your mommy and you want to cuddle, even if it means I don't get any sleep because you are a kicker! I promise I will be better. I promise I'm trying. I love you, buddy. More than you will ever know.
Love, 
Mommy