The Eye of a Hurricane

I've always been fascinated with natural disasters. I know, it might seem a little odd, but in school it was always one of my favorite topics. I've always wanted to see a volcano erupting (from a distance, of course) and hurricanes are amazing to me. In the days leading up to a hurricane hitting, you might not ever see it coming. Many people comment on how blue the sky looks and how the breeze was so gentle that it barely ruffles the leaves on the trees a mere 48 hours before the strongest part of the storm hits.

I feel like a hurricane hit my life and I didn't have any warning. None. If you would have asked me how things were that morning when I woke up, I would have told you great. Sure, we had our struggles, but nothing crazy or out of the ordinary. Our 3 beautiful children demanded a lot of my attention and I was dealing with thyroid issues (I was recently diagnosed with Hashimoto disease), but other than that we were happy. Then the storm hit. I never saw it coming.

A hurricane can leave destruction in it's wake that is all consuming. Trees bent over in the wind, houses destroyed, power disconnected -  a scene of utter chaos. That's what it felt like. I felt like my world was crashing down around me while I stood watching.

The eye of a hurricane, however, is a miracle. Skies are often clear above the eye and winds are relatively light. It is actually the calmest section of any hurricane. 

A few weeks into my hurricane, I had a thought that I needed to take a pregnancy test. So, I did. Now let me tell you, I shouldn't have been pregnant. There it was, however, staring back at me.... 2 pink lines. I had been praying for a miracle over and over and over, and in that moment I knew that this was the answer to those prayers. It wasn't what I had planned on, but it was the answer none the less. Heavenly Father had heard the silent pleadings of my heart and He knew that I wasn't done being a mom. Not yet. I knew that, and apparently He knew that too.

My first ultrasound was a few weeks later and I was terrified that they would tell me I had lost the baby. I had been spotting over the weekend and with my history, I was prepared for the worst. What I heard instead would forever change my life.

Twins.

In the middle of my own personal hurricane, God gave me a miracle. Not just one, but two. It's still early, and anything can happen, but I know that Heavenly Father knew my deepest desires and He wanted me to know that He was listening. Those two tiny heartbeats have given me hope and a reason to move forward. They are my Eye of the Hurricane - smack in the middle of chaos.

Although I didn't cause the hurricane that has hit my life and the lives of my children, the damage done is still devastating and the effects will be long lasting.

"We place ourselves in the path of these spiritual hurricanes when we indulge in anger, alcohol, and abuse; lust and licentiousness; promiscuity and pornography; drugs, pride, greed, violence, envy, and lies—the list is long. Perhaps, for a time, life seems to go on as before, and in that dormant period there is no hint of the terrible retribution to come, and then we are suddenly in the grip of their satanic power, and they lay waste our lives, bringing anguish and agony, depression, despair, and desolation. Too many times they also bring sadness, sorrow, suffering, and heartache to our loved ones. In the aftermath of their destructive path, it is often more difficult to restore a spiritually shattered soul than it is to rebuild a ruined city. There are whirling winds of malevolence, malice, and evil on the move in society today, and they will not spare those who wander into their path."
-David R. Stone

How grateful I am that I know this Earth life is just a tiny speck in the eternal scheme of things. Everyone has their trials and their heartache, it is what we learn from them that matters. When I can stop and ask, "What do I need to learn from this? Who do you want me to become?" it helps me to focus on improving and growing instead of just surviving. Someday, I hope to look back and be grateful for my trials because they got me to where I needed to be.