Say Something

Say something, I'm giving up on you
I'll be the one, if you want me to

One conversation. That's all it took. My entire world changed with one conversation. People always ask if I saw it coming. Never. I didn't have a clue.

Anywhere I would've followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you

That night is both a blur and a vivid memory that I can't escape. One that I never want to replay, and yet I constantly find myself living it over and over again in my mind.

And I am feeling so small
It was over my head
I know nothing at all

My counselor tells me that I'm still in shock. That what I am going through is one of the most traumatizing experiences a person can experience in this life. Counseling is a regular part of my life now. Lots of things have changed.

And I will stumble and fall
I'm still learning to love
Just starting to crawl

That night I found out that my husband, my best friend, my partner - my eternal companion....

He didn't love me anymore. After that, the words sounded muffled and the room just kept spinning. I heard the sobbing, I just didn't realize it was coming from me. It wasn't real. It couldn't be. We were happy.

Say something, I'm giving up on you
I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you

"Fell out of love....Unfaithful....someone else.....long time coming.....don't want to be here......not happy"....  I didn't sleep at all that night. Eventually there weren't any tears left. I sat in the rocking chair staring at our family picture for hours. I watched the sun come up. It rained that day. The rain was for me.

Anywhere I would've followed you
Say something, I'm giving up on you

Things like this don't happen to people like us. They just don't. They happen to the people you read about or watch on TV. Not a sweet little family like mine. We have 3 beautiful babies. Oh, our babies. How am I going to tell my babies? They won't understand. I never wanted this life for them. We were a family. A family.

And I will swallow my pride
You're the one that I love
And I'm saying goodbye

So tell me - how do you let the one person go that you were never supposed to let go? How do you fall out of love with the person your world revolved around? How do you become whole on your own when half of you is missing? I don't know how to let him go.

Say something, I'm giving up on you
And I'm sorry that I couldn't get to you
And anywhere I would've followed you

 Say something, I'm giving up on you

The nights are the hardest - when everything is quiet. That's when the tears come. That's when the hurt takes over. Everyone keeps telling me it will be ok. When night arrives, it doesn't feel like it is going to be ok. I tuck the kids in after a long day and then there is silence. The nights are the hardest.
 
Say something, I'm giving up on you
Say something...